Happy Birthday Mom

To my mother of 28 years, I wish you a Happy Birthday. 55 has never looked this good.

Bon Appetit

So now that I won't be a secret agent assassinating people, perhaps I will pursue another quasi-dream of mine: being a movie writer. With the likes of Beverly Hill Chihuahua and Saw 53,235 coming out, I don't see how I could do much worse.

I went to Utah in August to visit the Benders and their parents graciously took us all out to tepanyaki for dinner. As we sat there watching the chef twirl his knives and oil, I thought of a short film I'd like to make.

It would start with a mob boss and his thugs entering a tepanyaki restaurant for dinner. Privy to this and entering through the back of the restaurant is our protagonist, a CIA operative. He stealthily takes out the cook (who is evil) and puts on his uniform. He then rolls out the cart to be used in cooking. The camera pans over the cart to show the viewer the different ways which the operative could kill the mob boss. We see sharp knives of all sorts, vials of poison, and msg.

The dinner then commences and the suspense builds as the agent prepares each course. Every time he twirls a knife you expect him to thrust it into the villain's heart. The camera follows the chef's hand as he reaches for ingredients, barely grabbing the soy sauce instead of the poison. When he squirts the oil into the sliced onion to make the flame volcano, you anticipate him dousing the mobster and setting him afire as well.



And on it would go, just building and building, keeping the viewer guessing about just how the thug will be eliminated. Even when he opens his fortune cookie, he has a worried look on his face, but when the fortune is shown, it's just written poorly and his scowling was simply due to the illegibility of it. Then, after all the buildup and anticipation where the audience expects some sort of elaborate killing, the agent takes out a gun, calmly shoots the mob boss and his cronies, and leaves.

Excuse me while I call my buddies in Cannes.

Still a Nerd

A couple posts back I had mentioned about a friend interviewing with the C (filler to prevent google search) I (stupid, I know) A. Well, then I took it out because indeed that friend was in fact myself and I didn't want to compromise anything. Sadly, I regret to inform you that I will no longer be considered for the position, so my tell all book will arrive early in the form of this post.



For those that didn't know, I applied for a position as a clandestime servcie offcier (intentionally misspelled, you never know), or in other words, a spy. It had always been my dream to sit in a café in Paris, scoping out some terrorist a few tables away. Perhaps take pictures of him, develop them in my apartment (black and white of course), and deliver them in a manila envelope to my superiors, preferably at a park bench.

I applied for the job not expecting anything to come of it. I just didn't want to be on my death bed some day, regretting that I never tried to be a spy (I'll have plenty of other regrets to take me into the hereafter). So, I filled out the necessary forms online and waited. I got a call about a month ago informing me that they would like to talk. So I had a 30 minute phone interview with a gentleman at Langley, after which he said they would discuss, at their monthly meeting, my profile(the contents of which I can only assume were a small photo paper-clipped to the folder, my resume, some stats, and perhaps a few pictures I drew in grade school).

In our phone interview, he of course started off by asking me why I wanted to join the agency. As a word of advice for any potential candidates, don't reference "Men in Black" at any time in your answer, no good can come of it. He also asked about my mission. I recounted the stories of Arabs attacking me in France, Elder Bender's pasta surprise, and other mission tragedies.

The coolest question was the following (keep in mind this was at the end of August): What event in the last month do you think is of greatest importance to US foreign policy makers?

I suppose there could be many answers, but I chose the Russia/Georgia conflict. He then asked me to describe the situation. I was going to crack some Peach state joke but by this point I was starting to realize that this guy doesn't appreciate sarcasm as much I do. So I just did my best, throwing some key words out that I thought would impress him, like South Ossetia, Medvedev, and Glasnost. I think he was impressed.

He then asked me: The Russians viewed the whole ordeal as no different than the US and UN's involvement where? For whatever reason, I didn't hear the UN part, so I started going through US history and had nothing. I was getting frustrated, thinking perhaps the Civil War because they wanted to breakaway? No…or maybe when we invaded Canada during the War of 1812? I doubt Russia even knows that. Anyway, add your guess as a comment if you'd like, but the UN thing should help.

I guess in the end, this is for the better. Oh well, back to this trial balance.

Toilet Humor

As part of my job, I'm almost always traveling around, setting up shop at a new place for a few weeks and then moving on. It is not unlike the circus, sans the smell of cabbage. As I visit the different offices where my clients reside, I'm exposed to a variety of bathrooms and cultures. As such, I consider myself somewhat of an expert in the area of toilet etiquette. Since there is no official written standard, I'd like to use this entry to set forth various guidelines that should be followed, regardless of your place of work. Obedience to the rules will increase productivity and satisfaction at the office. Think of this as the Bathroom Constitution, and amendments are welcome, but I hold veto power.

1. This should go without saying, but you must wash your hands. Now, with the technology we have these days, there may be instances where you might think washing isn't necessary. I applaud your skills, but nonetheless, if others are in the room, you must wash your hands. It's akin to saying "God Bless You" after a sneeze. You just do it to make others feel comfortable, even if it doesn't have a real benefit.
2. When possible, there should ALWAYS be a one stall buffer between you and me. Why on earth, when there are 3 stalls and I'm in the last, would you pick the one right next to me? There are few moments I detest more in life than seeing the feet of a person doing their business no more than 15 inches away. And yes, I did note what shoes you're wearing, so you better follow rule #1 or else...
3. If you come into the bathroom and hear that I'm finishing up my business, please note that it should take me no more than 30-40 seconds longer to exit the premises. Therefore, I simply ask that you wait a few moments before turning the bathroom into Milpitas, so that I may be spared
4. No talking. Unless you're informing me of my imminent death, I can think of nothing that cannot wait for a time when our pants are not at our ankles.
5. Finally, show some restraint. Releasing one's flatulence in an adjacent cube would bring untold embarrassment upon yourself, and yet for some reason once you enter this magical tiled room you feel that there are no restrictions? I understand it is designated for such practices, but that doesn't mean the Geneva Convention should be ignored.

I just can't stand the things some people do in the bathroom, have they no decency?! Okay, I'm done, I need to flush and get out of here, someone just walked in…

Encore

When the Eiffel Tower was built for the 1889 Exposition, it was supposed to be temporary and was to be demolished in 1909. However, as it began to grow on people and used in productive ways (radio tower), it survived. This blog will be my Eiffel tower. Perhaps someday this too will be visited by millions of people, complete with couples proposing at the site, groups of Asian tourists taking pictures of themselves, and an overpriced restaurant in the corner. Don't worry though, no phallic symbology here, just good ole sarcasm. During my trip, I had music representing the areas I went to, so why stop?



I doubt I'll post often but I had a bit of news. I bought a car today. I had been eyeing the Infiniti G35 for awhile and rented one while I was in Utah. I fell in love, especially with the new styling and found a used one out in Livermore. Long story short, I got a pretty good deal. I'll probably have buyer's remorse soon, but hey, buyer's remorse never looked this good…






It gets better gas mileage than the Explorer and is a thrill to drive.

Madrid

Well I’m pooped. I think I’ve hit the proverbial wall, and it couldn’t have come at a better time as I’ll be heading to the airport in about 7 hours. Here are some numbers relating to this trip:

17- Number of cities that I dined in.
13/8- Number of cities/countries I slept in.
65 – Approximate hours spent in trains
27 – Approximate times I’ve listened to Blink 182’s Enema of the State

I don’t think I realized how fast I was moving/seeing stuff until I hung out with those Korean girls and they kept complaining that I run instead of walk. Indeed, I have gone very quickly, but that’s the way I like it.

You'll notice the title is no play on words, nor is there music. One might guess that this is because I'm tired and lazy. Although partly true, it is also sort of an artistic expression as my trip comes to its end. Sort of like on "24" when the ticking numbers don't make any noise after the finale.

Back to the trip... I slept in yesterday since I finally had a nice room to stay in and this is supposed to be a vacation. I know Madrid is huge and I could spend days here, but I decided to head straightaway to Segovia, a small town to the north. I had seen pictures and heard it was a settlement that predated even the Romans, so I had to go. I was very pleased. Here’s a picture of the meal I had right next to a 2,000 year old aqueduct (I think coke should pay me for this pic):



The Romans were incredible, I was amazed by the buildings in Rome, but it just blows my mind that even in these small cities on the outskirts of the empire, they still built these magnificent structures. I haven’t been to Pont du Gard in France, but I will definitely go someday. The rest of the town was really cool and there’s a castle on the edge of the hill that looked like the one at the Magic Kingdom. I know the castle at Neuschwanstein (sp?) is the real inspiration, but this one ain’t bad:



Here's a pic of the cathedral there, quite impressive and supposedly the last gothic cathedral built in Europe:



I returned to Madrid at about 5:30 and headed to the Prado museum to take advantage of the free admission on Sundays between 6 and 8, nice! It was a cool museum, but I think I’m just not an art guy. I think they’re very nice pieces, but I don’t know what’s good and what’s not. I was proud of myself for recognizing a Caravaggio before knowing that it was indeed his work. I liked his stuff that I had seen in Rome. I think it was Velazquez (or was it Goya?) who painted a lot of the kings and queens of Spain on horseback. I learned on my Paris tour that if the horse’s left leg is raised, that means the person died a natural death. If its right leg is raised, the person was murdered. And if both legs are in the air, the person died in battle. But, my guide also said some incorrect things, so although I’m not sure if that is true, it was consistent with the paintings at the Prado, so I thought that was kind of cool.

Today I did one of those tourist buses again, which at this point in my fatigue is exactly what I needed. I got off quite a few times to check out the sites, but I was happy just sitting there, listening to the commentary. I was excited to see another PwC office though:



Madrid is a very nice city, lots of trees and very clean. I really enjoyed my break in the large park they have (Retiro, I think), where I dozed a little and ate a sandwich. I did a tour of the Royal Palace:



And just walked around the main parts of the city, admiring the architecture. I think I need to read up on Spain’s history, I’m not sure why I never found interest in it before. I didn’t even know Toledo was the capital up until right before the Spanish Armada. You can probably tell by my lack of jokes and rather bland commentary that I’m exhausted, it is no reflection on the city as Madrid is great, we can talk more when I get home, I’m just tired.

Thanks again for following and adding your comments, it’s been an incredible trip, but I’m excited to come back to the states. I made my last Euro withdrawal the other day, which I believe coincided with the Euro’s all time high against the dollar, I apologize for that. Once I exchange my Euros back to dollars, watch for a dollar rally, oil to tumble, and the economy to rebound.

Hello Mudda, Hello Fadda

Aahhhh...I'm not gonna lie, I'm getting pretty tired. This has been the most incredible trip I've ever been on, but it is starting to take its toll. I don't like to toot my own horn often, but considering I made the train/accomodation travel plans in about 4 days, and then the rest of the trip over 2.5 weeks, that ain't bad. I'm now in Madrid, in an air conditioned hotel and I love it.

For the music, I thought I'd put in my own video, which I'll discuss later:



So I got to Granada, and my hostel was in the Albaicin district, which was the old Arab quarter of the town. For those that don't know, Granada is located in the very south of Spain in a region that was controlled by the Moops until 1492, when the reconquest of Spain was completed. It was really cool to see the Arabic influences on the buildings. The Albaicin area is on a hill next to the Alhambra, with spectacular views, narrow streets, and white buildings. I'm not going to be able to post too many pictures on here, but I have a lot that I will need to show you at some point. Here's a couple from the area I stayed in:


Typical street


View from my area, unbelievable

The hostel's rooms were extremely small. Mine was about the size of my room at Rainwater Ct, but there were 6 of us. There were two Korean girls and an American girl that I made friends with and we went out that first night. I had only heard of Flamenco briefly on So You Think You Can Dance, but I guess it originates in this area. So we walked around to find an authentic place and went to this cave, essentially, which was the home of this gypsy/Spanish family that does Flamenco dancing every night. This was a really cool experience. One guy plays the guitar, others clap, and another guy will often sing some sort of arabic scat, if you will. I guess it sort of originates from the Muslim call to prayer and it does indeed sound like that. In the video above, the guy isn't doing it, but it's hilarious to watch, because he's kinda yelling at the dancer. Plus, the guy kinda looks like Paul Giamatti, so that made it even funnier.

So, while some of you were watching SYTYCD, I was watching real flamenco in a gypsy cave in the hills above Granada:


Do I hear my male readers swooning? Oh excuse me, that was me.

The next day I went to the Al Hambra. The Korean girls came again, even though their English was quite poor. They thought I looked like Brad Pitt, which was hilarious because I look absolutely nothing like him. I'm not trying to be modest either, I simply don't look like him. The reason I mention it is because I think Asians see white people sort of like we sometimes see them in that we think they all look the same (tried to word that delicately and failed). Another funny thing happened that Becca would like...remind me to tell you later.

Back to the Alhambra. The Alhambra is the Anti-Jeff. Those that know me are probably aware that I like to do the bare minimum. In school I always aimed for a 89.5% so I could get that A-. Not to say I'm lazy, I just think I'm efficient. Anyway, the Alhambra is the complete opposite of me, but as Paula Abdul taught us, opposites attract and indeed, I fell in love with the Alhambra. Francisco De Icaza said, "There is nothing in life so cruel as being blind in Granada," I couldn't agree more. I can certainly understand why Reagan decided to invade this place in 1984. Pictures do not do it justice, but I'll throw a few on here anyway:





You just need to see the detail close up, it is incredible, and it just goes on and on. Just as Hemingway made the running of the bulls famous, I guess Washington Irving made the Alhambra famous when he stayed there for awhile and wrote stories about it. In fact, the audio guide was some of his journal entries or something about the place. It was interesting but the way he'd describe things seemed kind of pretentious after awhile.

The views of the valley were great, here's a picture from the Alhambra of the area where I stayed:



At night, we went to a restaurant and had tapas. I don't know what the big deal is with tapas, they're just small plates of snacking food.

Today, I obviously came to Madrid, but decided to stop in Seville for a few hours as it looked like a cool town. I only had about 3 hours and wanted to see the cathedral, which is the largest roman catholic cathedral in the world. But Jeff, you say, what about St. Peter's? Ah, but that is a basilica not a cathedral. But Jeff, what's the difference? No more questions.

It was huge inside, very much like St. Peters, only Gothic instead of Baroque. The tower, which I climbed, was originally a minaret for the mosque that the church took over and expanded in the 14th and 15th centuries. Here's a pic where you can tell this to be true:



The streets of Seville were really neat, I liked the overhanging things between the buildings to provide more shade.



It kinda reminded me of an Arabic town, even though I've never been to one but I've seen Aladdin a few times. It has been really hot, i think over 100 degrees (41 C today).

I looked unsuccessfully for a place to get my haircut. Well, I just wanted to take a picture of it, I'll let you figure out why. Oh well.

Ok, time to get some rest before my final two days. I probably won't post again until I'm back in America. Thanks again for following along, traveling alone is great a lot of the time, but there's also those moments when you want to share the experience with others, so this has been a nice medium.